June 19, 2012

Bringing “April” to June and July

Kristi McClatchy during Neighborhood Centers field trip
I am the daughter of a preacher and a coach. It’s little wonder that my childhood summers were devoted to sports camps and vacation Bible school.  I recall one vacation Bible school I attended in Orlando, Florida when I was 9-years-old; it was the ultimate Bible school experience. The camp was located in a five star hotel with pool-side devotionals, catered meals, and a full day at Disney World. These were events that we believe children dream of having. Interestingly enough, I have almost no recollection of such “impressionable” events.  I have a vague memory of seeing Cinderella’s castle, but that’s about it. What I remember most about this Bible school was the time I spent with my counselor.  Her name was April, and she had three major interests: staring at the male chaperones, talking about how “dreamy” the male chaperones were and hanging out with me.

April made me feel like I was the coolest kid on the face of the planet. She had a genuine interest in who I was. I vividly remember her introducing herself to me the first day of camp. She shook my hand, looked me in the eye, and told me that she was so excited that I had decided to come to the camp. Throughout the week she took extra time to make sure I felt comfortable and included – I was incredibly shy. Looking back, I realize that she coached me through several social interactions with my peers. Without her help, I honestly doubt I would have made as many friends as I did.
Neighborhood Centers 2011 Summer Youth Enrichment Program
On the last day of Bible school, April gave me a letter telling me that I could do anything, that I was special, and that I was of great value. It is a letter I still have to this day. She was one of the first grownups in my life other than my parents or my teachers who took the time to get to know me.  She made an everlasting impression on the person I am today.

Now I am working at the Center for Children and Families, Inc.(CCFI) Neighborhood Centers’ program. As we begin our Summer Youth Enrichment Program this week, I find myself often thinking, “We have to take the children to the Natural History Museum because Sam loves dinosaurs,” or “I need to schedule a rock climbing trip because Trey asked to go again this Summer.” Sometimes I feel myself primarily focusing on providing the children I serve with the most fantastic field trips, the most delicious and nutritious food, and the most educational opportunities.

Indeed, most of the children I serve have had limited experiences such as these.  We all want nothing but the absolute best for the children in Neighborhood Centers. They are so precious.  They deserve to have the same wonderful opportunities I, and most others, had growing up. However, while I recognize these types of experiences are central to enriching the lives of children, I hope that I never lose sight of how significant building a positive relationship really is.

I only hope that I will be some child’s April during the course of our Summer Youth Enrichment Program.

- Kristi McClatchy, Neighborhood Centers AmeriCorps Member

June 15, 2012

The Power of Dad

I guess it is fitting, as we approach Father’s Day, that I am reminded of the power of Daddy in my children’s lives.  A few days ago my husband and son left for some male bonding at Boy Scout camp – a great father/son activity in and of itself.  This left me and the girls alone for a few days of girl-oriented fun!  Surely the girls would be as excited as I was - painting nails, endless chick flicks (Rapunzel-style) and games of dress-up!  Little did I know that Gigi’s (who is my four-year-old) attachment with her Daddy is so strong that this was not a welcome change of pace for her. 

Last night’s discussion with Gigi while putting her to bed:
Gigi:    “I want my Daddy, I want my Daddy (with big whiny voice)…I don’t want you.”
Katie:  “I know, honey.  I’m sorry.  Daddy will be home tomorrow.  How about I get a picture of him for your nightstand?”  I proceed to find a picture of me and him to put on her night stand.
Gigi:  “I want a picture of Daddy.  I want a picture of Daddy…alone…I don’t want you.”
Katie: (now laughing)  “Oh…you want just a picture of Daddy.” 
Gigi:  Yes, Daddy is strong.  [long pause] You are weak.”  Then, she repeats with a smile on her face (because she is teasing at this point) “You are weak.” She then asks me to show her my muscle, which I do.
Gigi:  “Flabby muscle, flabby muscle,” as she bats at my deltoid pointing out my full 40 years to me (with a teasing smile on her face).
Gigi and her Dad

So.  What are the lessons here? 
Number one:  With age and multiple children comes humility.  It’s a good thing that I know my daughter loves and needs me – a mom with less experience could easily get her feelings hurt :o) 
Number Two:  She loves and adores her Daddy - he is irreplaceable!  Daddy is her “buddy” in a different way than Mommy.  She helps him mow the lawn, wash the cars, plant and keep the garden, and carry the “cycling” out with him for trash day.  He is also her favorite playmate.  He is the one that wrestles with them, plays soccer in the backyard – he is way more fun than I could ever be.  He doesn’t just have her walk up the stairs for bedtime (like I do) – he gives her a piggy-back ride or carries her upside down – always!  He will play for hours in the pool with her and her siblings while I get lazy and want to rest and sit in the sun.  They bake together and he never cares about the mess.  The two of them giggle and play WAY past bedtime.  And, he ALWAYS reads her an extra book. 

Research on parenthood is clear that Dads play a critical and irreplaceable role in the lives of their children. 
Fathers tend to do more stimulating play which is associated with children having greater regulation of their emotions and self-control.  Dads tend to promote achievement, independence and an orientation to the outside world, whereas moms tend to emphasize nurturing – all of which are important for healthy child development.  It is also the case that children are positively influenced when Dad has a good relationship with Mom (even if they are not married or in a romantic relationship).  The good news is that research suggests Dads are spending more time with their children than ever before and are more likely - than ever before - to hug them and tell them they love them.  The bad news is that too many children in Oklahoma and in our community are growing up without an involved Dad in their life.

This Father’s Day I hope you will celebrate all the wonderful, unique, and important things Dads bring to the lives of our children.  And, for those children needing more of a Dad figure in their lives, I hope families and our community will continue to come together to make sure those kiddos get what they need from other “father-figures” in their lives.   Happy Father’s Day!    

-Katie Fitzgerald, MSW, Executive Director

June 12, 2012

50 Rules for Dads of Daughters

With Dad's Day this Sunday we knew we HAD to share this with our followers - be sure to comment below and tell us which 'rule' is your favorite! Enjoy!

1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.

2. Always be there. Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time. Hang out together for no other reason than just to be in each other’s presence. Be genuinely interested in the things that interest her. She needs her dad to be involved in her life at every stage. Don’t just sit idly by while she add years to her… add life to her years.

3. Save the day. She’ll grow up looking for a hero. It might as well be you. She’ll need you to come through for her over and over again throughout her life. Rise to the occasion. Red cape and blue tights optional.

4. Savor every moment you have together. Today she’s crawling around the house in diapers, tomorrow you’re handing her the keys to the car, and before you know it, you’re walking her down the aisle. Some day soon, hanging out with her old man won’t be the bees knees anymore. Life happens pretty fast. You better cherish it while you can.

5. Pray for her. Regularly. Passionately. Continually.

6. Buy her a glove and teach her to throw a baseball. Make her proud to throw like a girl… a girl with a wicked slider.

7. She will fight with her mother. Choose sides wisely.

8. Go ahead. Buy her those pearls.

9. Of course you look silly playing peek-a-boo. You should play anyway.

10. Enjoy the wonder of bath time.

11. There will come a day when she asks for a puppy. Don’t over think it. At least one time in her life, just say, “Yes.”

12. It’s never too early to start teaching her about money. She will still probably suck you dry as a teenager… and on her wedding day.

13. Make pancakes in the shape of her age for breakfast on her birthday. In a pinch, donuts with pink sprinkles and a candle will suffice.

14. Buy her a pair of Chucks as soon as she starts walking. She won’t always want to wear matching shoes with her old man.

15. Dance with her. Start when she’s a little girl or even when she’s a baby. Don’t wait ‘til her wedding day.

16. Take her fishing. She will probably squirm more than the worm on your hook. That’s OK.

17. Learn to say no. She may pitch a fit today, but someday you’ll both be glad you stuck to your guns.

18. Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or “beauty” magazine will try to convince her otherwise.

19. Teach her to change a flat. A tire without air need not be a major panic inducing event in her life. She’ll still call you crying the first time it happens.

20. Take her camping. Immerse her in the great outdoors. Watch her eyes fill with wonder the first time she sees the beauty of wide open spaces. Leave the iPod at home.

21. Let her hold the wheel. She will always remember when daddy let her drive.

22. She’s as smart as any boy. Make sure she knows that.

23. When she learns to give kisses, she will want to plant them all over your face. Encourage this practice.

24. Knowing how to eat sunflower seeds correctly will not help her get into a good college. Teach her anyway.

25. Letting her ride on your shoulders is pure magic. Do it now while you have a strong back and she’s still tiny.

26. It is in her nature to make music. It’s up to you to introduce her to the joy of socks on a wooden floor.

27. If there’s a splash park near your home, take her there often. She will be drawn to the water like a duck to a puddle.

28. She will eagerly await your return home from work in the evenings. Don’t be late.

29. If her mom enrolls her in swim lessons, make sure you get in the pool too. Don’t be intimidated if there are no other dads there. It’s their loss.

30. Never miss her birthday. In ten years she won’t remember the present you gave her. She will remember if you weren’t there.

31. Teach her to roller skate. Watch her confidence soar.

32. Let her roll around in the grass. It’s good for her soul. It’s not bad for yours either.

33. Take her swimsuit shopping. Don’t be afraid to veto some of her choices, but resist the urge to buy her full-body beach pajamas.

34. Somewhere between the time she turns three and her sixth birthday, the odds are good that she will ask you to marry her. Let her down gently.

35. She’ll probably want to crawl in bed with you after a nightmare. This is a good thing.

36. Few things in life are more comforting to a crying little girl than her father’s hand. Never forget this.

37. Introduce her to the swings at your local park. She’ll squeal for you to push her higher and faster. Her definition of “higher and faster” is probably not the same as yours. Keep that in mind.

38. When she’s a bit older, your definition of higher and faster will be a lot closer to hers. When that day comes, go ahead… give it all you’ve got.

39. Holding her upside down by the legs while she giggles and screams uncontrollably is great for your biceps. WARNING: She has no concept of muscle fatigue.

40. She might ask you to buy her a pony on her birthday. Unless you live on a farm, do not buy her a pony on her birthday. It’s OK to rent one though.

41. Take it easy on the presents for her birthday and Christmas. Instead, give her the gift of experiences you can share together.

42. Let her know she can always come home. No matter what.

43. Remember, just like a butterfly, she too will spread her wings and fly some day. Enjoy her caterpillar years.

44. Write her a handwritten letter every year on her birthday. Give them to her when she goes off to college, becomes a mother herself, or when you think she needs them most.

45. Learn to trust her. Gradually give her more freedom as she gets older. She will rise to the expectations you set for her.

46. When in doubt, trust your heart. She already does.

47. When your teenage daughter is upset, learning when to engage and when to back off will add years to YOUR life. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

48. Ice cream covers over a multitude of sins. Know her favorite flavor.

49. This day is coming soon. There’s nothing you can do to be ready for it. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be.

50. Today she’s walking down the driveway to get on the school bus. Tomorrow she’s going off to college. Don’t blink.


The 50 Rules for Dads of Daughters is by Michael Mitchell at lifetoheryears.com.
Bookmark Life To Her Years, follow Michael on Twitter, and “like” him on Facebook for more “rules”.

Photo Credits can be found at the bottom of Michael’s original post.

June 06, 2012

What I've learned from volunteering

Mollie pictured on right
I began volunteering for the Center for Children and Families, Inc. (CCFI) just a few short months ago, and oh has it been a ride! I came into the children’s play group on Tuesday night’s not having a clue what to expect. I was a little apprehensive, but felt immediately comfortable when I met the other volunteers. Everyone was so nice and seemed genuinely passionate about what they were doing. That is when I knew CCFI was special.

I quickly learned that CCFI is an organization that cares so fervently about making a real difference in the community. The entire staff and volunteers love what they do, and it reads so clearly in the manner with which they go about their work. Having the opportunity to contribute just a small portion of my time to the unique mission of CCFI has really humbled me.

I love watching how excited the kiddos are to see us every Tuesday night, and how equally excited we are to see them. These kids remember us and depend on us to be there, and that is why I keep coming back. I know that just the little amount of time I spend with them each week helps bring stability and consistency into their lives, which is something I can be proud of. I learn as much from these kids as I hope they learn from me, and I will continue to volunteer with CCFI for as long as I am able.

I am more than honored to be part of this special organization, and to help support their compassionate mission to improve the lives of children. I feel extremely blessed to have stumbled across CCFI because of the perspective it has brought to my life. 

I encourage every person to support the mission of CCFI in any way that they can. I have no doubt it will enrich and touch your life in the way that it has done so to mine.

Mollie Rischard 
CCFI Children's Group Volunteer