The Power of Dad

I guess it is fitting, as we approach Father’s Day, that I am reminded of the power of Daddy in my children’s lives.  A few days ago my husband and son left for some male bonding at Boy Scout camp – a great father/son activity in and of itself.  This left me and the girls alone for a few days of girl-oriented fun!  Surely the girls would be as excited as I was - painting nails, endless chick flicks (Rapunzel-style) and games of dress-up!  Little did I know that Gigi’s (who is my four-year-old) attachment with her Daddy is so strong that this was not a welcome change of pace for her. 

Last night’s discussion with Gigi while putting her to bed:

Gigi:    “I want my Daddy, I want my Daddy (with big whiny voice)…I don’t want you.”

Katie:  “I know, honey.  I’m sorry.  Daddy will be home tomorrow.  How about I get a picture of him for your nightstand?”  I proceed to find a picture of me and him to put on her night stand.

Gigi:  “I want a picture of Daddy.  I want a picture of Daddy…alone…I don’t want you.”

Katie: (now laughing)  “Oh…you want just a picture of Daddy.” 

Gigi:  Yes, Daddy is strong.  [long pause] You are weak.”  Then, she repeats with a smile on her face (because she is teasing at this point) “You are weak.” She then asks me to show her my muscle, which I do.

Gigi:  “Flabby muscle, flabby muscle,” as she bats at my deltoid pointing out my full 40 years to me (with a teasing smile on her face).

Gigi and her Dad

So.  What are the lessons here? 

Number one:  With age and multiple children comes humility.  It’s a good thing that I know my daughter loves and needs me – a mom with less experience could easily get her feelings hurt :o) 

Number Two:  She loves and adores her Daddy - he is irreplaceable!  Daddy is her “buddy” in a different way than Mommy.  She helps him mow the lawn, wash the cars, plant and keep the garden, and carry the “cycling” out with him for trash day.  He is also her favorite playmate.  He is the one that wrestles with them, plays soccer in the backyard – he is way more fun than I could ever be.  He doesn’t just have her walk up the stairs for bedtime (like I do) – he gives her a piggy-back ride or carries her upside down – always!  He will play for hours in the pool with her and her siblings while I get lazy and want to rest and sit in the sun.  They bake together and he never cares about the mess.  The two of them giggle and play WAY past bedtime.  And, he ALWAYS reads her an extra book. 

Research on parenthood is clear that Dads play a critical and irreplaceable role in the lives of their children. 

Fathers tend to do more stimulating play which is associated with children having greater regulation of their emotions and self-control.  Dads tend to promote achievement, independence and an orientation to the outside world, whereas moms tend to emphasize nurturing – all of which are important for healthy child development.  It is also the case that children are positively influenced when Dad has a good relationship with Mom (even if they are not married or in a romantic relationship).  The good news is that research suggests Dads are spending more time with their children than ever before and are more likely - than ever before - to hug them and tell them they love them.  The bad news is that too many children in Oklahoma and in our community are growing up without an involved Dad in their life.

This Father’s Day I hope you will celebrate all the wonderful, unique, and important things Dads bring to the lives of our children.  And, for those children needing more of a Dad figure in their lives, I hope families and our community will continue to come together to make sure those kiddos get what they need from other “father-figures” in their lives.   Happy Father’s Day!    

-Katie Fitzgerald, MSW, Executive Director

Katie Fitzgerald gets to see program's impact on families

 Article from the Norman Transcript- Although most don’t realize it at the time, some of the abused and neglected children who walk through the welcoming doors at Norman’s Center for Children and Families Inc. already have a connection with center director Katie Fitzgerald.

Katie at Hands & Hearts Luncheon

As a 7-year-old growing up in Michigan, Fitzgerald was molested at a girlfriend’s house by the friend’s father. She knew at the time that something was very wrong but didn’t know how to verbalize her feelings.

“I was crying and upset and my mom asked me all the right questions and I still couldn’t tell her,” Fitzgerald recalls. “Children can’t easily talk about what happens to them.”

Through play therapy, counseling and other services, the healing can begin. “I know that there’s a place for kids here. I didn’t have that,” says Fitzgerald, director for nearly 18 months.

She shared her story publicly at last year’s CCFI fundraising luncheon. Only through dialogue and education will we understand abuse and neglect can happen in all families. Later on, Fitzgerald and her friends discovered there were several victims. Even as close friends, they didn’t confide in each other.

“We just need to get more comfortable talking about it,” she said.

An Oklahoman for about six years, Fitzgerald came to the center, founded in 1969 as Juvenile Services Inc., after working at OU’s Women in Leadership program and for the Oklahoma Institute for Child Advocacy. In Michigan, she worked for the Kellogg Foundation and with the United Way. Much of her work focused on vulnerable youth and families.

“But everything I’ve ever done never felt complete until I came here. I can see kids and families here that we are having an impact on,” she said. “It’s an incredible opportunity for me.”

Emily and Pam Clinton, Katie.

She manages about 25 full and part-time employees and a $1.2 million budget. Funding comes from state agency contracts, individual and corporate donor partners and Norman’s United Way campaign.

Programs, besides healing child abuse and neglect, include support and education for parents, divorce visitation arbitration, parents assistance, teen parenting, neighborhood centers and an emergency diaper and formula closet. Last year, they handed out 32,000 diapers.

The Neighborhood Centers program cares for and provides safe, after school, evening and weekend activities for about 50 kids a day at Longfellow and Irving Middle Schools and Kennedy and Wilson elementaries. They’ll host an “I love my neighborhood” block party at Wilson from noon to 2 p.m. Saturday.

CCFI, along with Bethesda Alternative and Mary Abbott Children’s House, will mark April as child abuse prevention month with a variety of activities. Fitzgerald encourages people to attend the Children Front & Center Tours at the 7,500-square-foot center, located in the former Veterans Center complex on the Griffin Hospital campus, to see the mission in action. Tour dates and opportunities can be found here.

They’ll host legislators for a tour this week. Lawmakers will be making funding decisions that impact all who work with families and children. The numbers of investigated cases of abuse are down significantly but only due to a policy shift by the Department of Human Services.

Cleveland County claimed about 350 of the state’s 12,000 plus confirmed cases of abuse and neglect last year. A budget cutting proposal to close the health department’s office of child abuse prevention troubles Fitzgerald. In rough economic times, family stress tends to increase. Rural areas don’t always have safe places like CCFI, Bethesda or Abbott House.

“All around the state, these kids and their families need so much. We’re able to do what we can but further reducing these services right now is not the answer,” Fitzgerald said. “In most communities, there literally is nothing else for them.”