Sad to say – most of my resolutions are in this state of “mediocre adherence.” More times than not the past three weeks I roll over when the alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m. – unable to get myself to the 5:45 a.m. workout I swore I would do without fail. I broke down yesterday and got Taco Bueno even though I had resolved to not eat out AT ALL for lunch anymore. And the list goes on.
Which makes me question - what’s the deal with resolutions anyhow? Where did this whole phenomenon come from? I found something interesting on Wikipedia. It said that “the nature of New Year's resolutions has changed during the last decades, with many resolutions being more superficial and appearance-oriented than in previous times. At the end of the 19th century, a typical teenage girl's New Year's resolution was focused on good works: she resolved to become less self-centered, more helpful, a more diligent worker, and to improve her internal character. Body image, health, diet, and desired possessions were rarely mentioned. At the end of the 20th century, the typical teenage girl's resolution is focused on good looks: she wants to improve her body, hairstyle, makeup, and clothing.”
Ugh… I read this and realized I am guilty of the same self-centeredness in my resolutions. I did not reflect enough on what I could do this year to be a better mother, wife, sister, community member, or friend. I didn’t reflect enough this year on what I could do for others – which ironically gives us a lot of personal fulfillment – because it is our relationships in life that really define us and fill us up.
So – maybe there are reasons why it is hard for us to maintain those resolutions that are so much about ourselves. Maybe they are just not as fulfilling when compared to the fulfillment we get when we try to be “better” for others in our lives. I know I get much greater fulfillment when I make time to talk to a friend who is down and needs a shoulder to cry on, or when I get my three kids to play UNO with me instead of all of us vegging out in front of the TV, or when I babysit for parents of a newborn so they can get some time together alone. These are the things that make us who we are – our relationships to others – our time with others. So - here on January 30th, I think I am going to re-resolve to do more for and with the “others” in my life. In so doing, I think I’ll be taking better care of myself.
Katie Fitzgerald, MSW
Executive Director at the Center for Children & Families, Inc. (CCFI)
